The chatting history for this WeChat group “PDX华人大公益-220波村正事” is shown below.
————— 2017-05-21 —————
今天参加了社区一位成员的葬礼，尽管没有见过他本人，但是，一看见照片就知道，he was one of us。在大家跟着牧师唱诗的时候，我无法随大流，时而眼望着天空，感慨着世事难料，时而在草地上的墓碑上停留。无意中，一个彩色风车吸引了我的注意力。发言过后，停留的地方就在风车的旁边，一块临时的小小的墓碑上赫然刻着Victoria Ren的名字。自此，目光久久停留在了这块墓碑上了。
After we decided to stop the treatment to Victoria, we thought it’s time to tell her the truth. Before that, we discussed with her doctors and hospital counselors for many times, because we worried about her reaction. The doctors said actually kids are smarter than we think. Victoria very likely already figured out what’s going on. She didn’t speak out because she worried about us. I believe that’s the case because when I told Victoria that doctors couldn’t fix her body anymore, she was very peaceful. Looked like she was just waiting for a confirmation from us. Then she came up the question I believe has already bothered her for a long time. “Can I see you after I die?” We told her she’ll go to a good place, where she’ll have a new body. She can see us anytime she wants. Then she asked “Can you see me when I come to see you?” I said “probably not, but we’ll meet you after we die.” She signed, “that will be a long time”
Since then, Victoria seemed grew up all of a sudden. She became caring the people around her. Every time, when she can get gifts or snacks in hospital, she’ll hold two sets for her sisters, Sophia and Olivia. She kept telling her mom the people she loves, from her family to her best friends. She didn’t want to see us cry. She used to be OK to see us cry, but after that, she would become very upset to see us cry. She’ll say, “No, mom. don’t cry, that makes me worry. I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want to see anyone cry.”
I still remember when we visited the OB the first time we found my wife pregnant. The ultrasound technician asked us “Is it planned or is it a surprise?” We said, “it’s a surprise.” Then she asked “are you ready for double surprises?” We are not outgoing people, we didn’t jump or scream, but we were really surprised. And we worried a lot because my wife is small. It turned out she did a good job. Both the babies were almost 6 lbs when they were born. They are always matched in size until Victoria was sick. Every time we took them outside to the Mall or park. There were always people came and talked to us. They are either a twin, or they have twin kids, or they have twin grand kids, or their relative has twins. We used to be so proud, and these used to be sweet memories. Now, it’s a mixture of sweet and sad.
During Victoria’s treatment, her doctors and nurses were really impressed by her braveness and courage. She never cried because of pain, but she hated throw up. In the video, there is a photo that was taken right after she threw up. She was lying in bed on her face. Her mom asked: “Victoria, are you crying?” She just turned around with a big smile on her face. Victoria fought so hard, she fought not for herself, she fought for us, for her family. When she was just sick, she sometimes asked us “will I die?’” but after she relapsed, she never asked that question. When some new conditions happened, she always asked “Is that bad?” That’s a whole different question. She already realized she would leave us some time, she fought so hard just to stay longer with us.
Victoria is very shy. She’ll become very nervous in public. She can only be relaxed with her family or friends. That used to be a big concern to us. Her mom, and her grandparents always said that I love Victoria the most. I never admitted because I think I love three kids equally. Now I admit. I love her more not because she is excellent. I love her because somehow I can sense what she feels. I can sense her pain; I can sense her anxiety. She was always a quiet and sweet girl in school. Her teacher once asked us: ”Is Victoria also so quiet back home?” No. She was very loud back home. She has quite a temper, and she fought with her sisters. Even before she went to hospital this time, she had a fight with Olivia. They gave each other some scratch marks. She was never a perfect kid, but that makes her Victoria. That makes her our daughter, not anyone else.
People told me time is a good healer. I do hope time can dilute our sorrow and pain so it’s not so thick and strong, but I don’t want our memory fades away with time, because memory is all we have about Victoria. I want time just add layers of wrappers to the memory to wrap it up and keep it in the corner of our hearts. When sometime in the future, we think we are ready, we’ll open it and review all the details of her, with smile, maybe some tears. We’ll say, Ah! There are so many people in this world, but there was this little girl came to us to be our daughter, with her full trust that we’ll take good care of her and love her. Did we take good care of her? That’s a question I kept asking myself. The answer is, I don’t know. We did what we thought is good to her, but we don’t know if that is actually good for her. We pushed her hard on academics. We wanted her to grow up to be a useful person, we wanted her to have a decent life. But we could always be more patient. We could always be less strict. When I saw her lying in the bed and could leave us anytime, this question got me so bad that for a few times I asked her the question “Victoria, do you think I am a good dad?” By that time, she couldn’t talk, but every time she nodded, and squeezed my hand hard. I know she was trying to comfort me. If she could talk, she would say,” Yes, Dad, you are.” But still, I am not sure. If this can start all over again, I probably still do the same thing to her, because now I am doing the same thing to her sisters. I guess I can never get better. 【看到这一部分，泪水又止不住留了下来。】
Rebecca Wei 06:24
@Rebecca Wei 在邹阳老师帮助协办的，去年Tech4Kids夏天的舞会上，提早一个小时和你家一起热心帮助set up 场地的，是不是子帆一家子？👪穿着时髦漂亮，赏心悦目，爸爸妈妈爱心满满，👭花甜美可爱。虽然没机会说几句话，美好的印象却已经深深的印在脑海里。很难相信，那么恬静优雅的小姑娘是一个跟勇敢跟病魔作斗争的勇士。美化的回忆永远也抹不了，天使永远在人间，爱心满满的父母和美丽的👭永远被祝福着。💐
@Rebecca Wei Victoria的追思会很感人，我们这些经历了许多的成年人都一直在掉眼泪。相信每个在场的人会更加珍惜今天和爱的人在一起的日子。谢谢任家父母分享和Victoria在一起的点滴记忆，愿天使在天国远离病痛快快乐乐
@Rebecca Wei 是的，任爸的发言有三分之一的篇幅是用来感谢大家的，包括医生和护士，所在公司和老板，子凡生前的学校，老师和同学们，和三年多长时间来自好时光，周校长，您和许许多多的邻居，朋友，教友的无私和体贴入微的支持。
敏Min Kong 08:42
@西北兆 @Rebecca Wei 中文学校的场地就是社区的场地, 随时为大家敞开大门。感谢大家的参与, 特别是义工们, 活动结束时整理打扫, 将大厅还原。 西北兆 08:43
June Jia 10:09
@西北兆 @张光超 谢谢西北兆，谢谢光超，谢谢大家[Rose][Rose][Rose]，温暖阳光的华人社区[ThumbsUp]