Wayne Xun就他的高中生活与群友互动
西北兆 20:02
今天我们有幸请到Martha的老三来和我们大家座谈，大家知道Martha热心公益，热爱我们这个社区，把全部身心都用来培养我们的下一代的数学能力，我还是在结识Martha之后才听说过新加坡数学，后来看到社区教授新加坡数学蔚然成风，想必是一个很好的教材或是教学方法。
西北兆 20:03
前不久，Martha作为此群的鼻祖，深感家庭投资不仅仅在$$$方面，在子女上的投资更为重要，尤其是对我们华人父母来说。但是，怎么样的一个投资才算是一个好的投资，无论成功与否，因为成功的定义因人而异，相信社区里人们的看法未必一样，还不敢说分歧巨大。认识Martha两口子都知道，他们的三个子女在父母的影响下，至少在众人眼里都出落得非常的成功。但是，和Martha聊过之后，也理解作为父母的心酸，她们也都悉数经历过。
西北兆 20:03
大家可能都已经知道了，老大老二一路顺风顺路，开始了他们的从医之路。我在医疗保险行业做事，知道当医生在美国实际上就是所在社区的灵魂人物。首先，他们要是People person，因为要作为社区群众的role model，其次，一定要有passion，否则，挣再多的钱，每天在方圆几米的诊室面对各种人生的阴晴圆缺，不是一般人可以能坚持下来的。相信，我们看到Martha和老荀，就知道他们老大和老二一定不会辜负父母，病人，乃至社区对他们的期望的。
西北兆 20:06
作为我个人，有机会认识Wayne，也很高兴。作为他们的老三，他的路数似乎与大多数的华人二代不同，他的生活显得很有颜色，他对于自己生活的理解显得与众不同。在我们都在争做虎爸虎妈的峥嵘岁月，请Wayne带给我们一点清新，也算是Martha母子给我们社区带来的新年礼物吧。
西北兆 20:06
我先说一下我们的程序
西北兆 20:08
@Martha 培养这么有出息的子女劳苦功高，但是，还是要在后台休息，因为我们要让Wayne和我们聊的时候无拘无束[Grin]
西北兆 20:10
我和Wayne的互动需要用英语进行，我提问会写在这里，Wayne的回复将通过语音。在互动过程中，欢迎大家随时提问。
西北兆 20:11
Okay, I am done with my intro. Thank you for giving me such honor to host this talk with Wayne.
西北兆 20:11
西北兆 20:12
9th grade during parent’s appreciation day at church
西北兆 20:12
Wayne, would you please introduce yourself first?
西北兆 20:15
Great! Thank you, Wayne. Nice to have you here. People know your mom much more than you, as you can tell:-)
西北兆 20:16
Let’s start from your high school years. We know kids at Westview HS are just so competitive, but more in academic. How do you describe yourself?
西北兆 20:17
Of course, we are trying to change that. So we have added ‘A’ into STEM. Now STEAM becomes so popular.
西北兆 20:17
This might have your contribution, you never know.
Wayne Xun 20:17
Let me type here so that people can use online translaters if they prefer to read in chinese
Wayne Xun 20:18
Honestly I think in high school, I was not necessarily known for my academics performance
西北兆 20:18
Thank you for being so kind to us who understand Chinglish more than a typical English.
Wayne Xun 20:18
Although I did my best and highly valued my academic performance, I was never the tip top of my class
Wayne Xun 20:19
On the other hand, I did make friends that were all equally engaged in academics. I was one of the few friends in our circle that had attended Stoller for middle school, instead of having gone to Summa
西北兆 20:19
When you graduated from HS, what was your rank in the class, if you don’t mind my asking?
Wayne Xun 20:20
I actually don’t remember precisely, but I believe I was tied for either 11th or 12th
西北兆 20:20
You chose this path on purpose?
琳 20:20
How did you balance your athletic hobby and study time? What was the biggest challenge between these two? And how did your parents helped you on that?
西北兆 20:20
How your parents reacted to it?
Wayne Xun 20:21
But if you asked anyone, I was definitely more well known for my involvement in my church’s youth group, and in some extracurricular clubs
Wayne Xun 20:21
Let me combine those questions and answer all three
Wayne Xun 20:22
I think that even during high school
西北兆 20:22
Wayne Xun 20:22
most children, myself included, may not be capable of achieving their goals consistently
Wayne Xun 20:22
We might be at a level where we can recognize that we would like to be successful in academics versus sports, or vice versa
Wayne Xun 20:23
But I remember many friends who would set out to do well in a class with wholehearted conviction but still fell short
Wayne Xun 20:23
- What was the biggest challenge?
Not being able to achieve what you want, even if you can recognize what you want
西北兆 20:24
Not many parents understand that…unfortunately.
Wayne Xun 20:24
I think that’s why I value “environment” and “community” so heavily now, even though you cannot change your own inherent human nature, the community that a child is raised has a profound effect on what aspects of that child’s inherent nature surfaces.
Wayne Xun 20:24
That might be foraying a bit off topic though
西北兆 20:25
Did you feel some pressure from peers, friends and of course your parents?
西北兆 20:26
Ranked that high sounds a pretty good to me already.
Wayne Xun 20:26
As for balancing sports and academics, I’m sure they oftentimes felt like I valued sports and friends too much. But we had a lot of trust in the household, and they gave me a lot of independence. I chose this own balance of academics and extracurriculars myself, and I think ultimately that was good because it equipped me with a set of social skills and a more stable emotional disposition
Wayne Xun 20:27
that many highly academic high schoolers struggle with profoundly in college. Not sure if this was an intentional decision made by them at the time, but it did have an impact on my future, so that’s something to keep in mind
西北兆 20:27
Wayne Xun 20:27
“Did you feel some pressure from peers, friends and of course your parents?”
西北兆 20:29
I have to be honest here, to be fair to many parents, that you are the little one in the family. Parents tend to be less strict for the youngest one among siblings.
Wayne Xun 20:29
I felt pressure from every aspect of my life at the time. For academics I felt like it was very difficult to compete with friends that just seemed so much quicker and more diligent than I was. For my sports, I felt like I was competing with individuals with very different backgrounds. Many of my fellow soccer teammates playing at the competive level we were at were relying on their soccer skills to be able to attend college. They were hoping to be recruited for a college soccer team and receive a full ride. I only had soccer as an extracurricular
西北兆 20:30
I know I was a little bit too forceful to my old one and less controllable on my second one.
Wayne Xun 20:30
But I think this stress from pressure is good. Stress will come sooner or later, and the emotional maturity that comes from it can’t be developed artificially. I think the earlier that someone goes through these things the better, the more important thing is that the child feels like they have strong support from their family and community. That’s why I think these things are so important
西北兆 20:30
Per Chinese proverb, 第二个当猪养[Grin]
Wayne Xun 20:31
haha I see. I think you’re right, my oldest brother is much more book-smart than I am
Wayne Xun 20:31
although I suspect that might just be because he’s just smarter than I am… :’)
西北兆 20:31
totally agree:-)
Wayne Xun 20:32
thanks!
西北兆 20:32
Tell us a little bit about your hobby on motocycle
CY 20:32
Are there big differences for high schools? Sunset vs. Westview?
西北兆 20:33
That hobby is definitely not a common one for many Chinese.
Wayne Xun 20:33
I graduated from Westview 3 years ago. I think the environment has not changed “much” in these three years
Wayne Xun 20:33
but I think in general, from a very high level perspective
Wayne Xun 20:33
Westview provides better education (has better teachers and courses offerred). Everything starts here
Wayne Xun 20:33
This is good and bad
Wayne Xun 20:34
good: you are taking ap classes, not ib. This can save you an entire year’s worth of college tuition
西北兆 20:34
My daughter kept saying I was not as strict as I was to her brother, in a complaining tone.
Wayne Xun 20:35
good: This attracts many students from different areas. The environment here is very disciplined in a good, way. I would not have focused on my studies in high school if I was not in such a conducive environment and community
西北兆 20:35
Very honest and objective!
Wayne Xun 20:36
good: the community benefit extends past high school. High school friends become very close friends, I still stay in touch with my peers at Westview, who have mostly gone off to attend ivy league schools or comparable schools. This is an invaluable network
Wayne Xun 20:36
bad: the competitive environment is stressful for the student
Wayne Xun 20:37
bad: the competitive environment makes it harder in the college admissions process.
CY 20:37
Does sunset offer AP?
张艺 20:37
What kind of unique credentials do you have to have gotten an opportunity to work at Google?
西北兆 20:37
Sunset is IB
西北兆 20:38
Focus on HS years first
Wayne Xun 20:38
Schools will limit themselves somewhat to how many p eople they accept from each school, and many very very intelliigent and hardworking people from westview found themselves rejected in favor of students at sunset that may have been ranked higher at that school, but may not do so well at Westview
Wayne Xun 20:38
I’m not sure if Sunset offers AP, but 3 years ago they did not
June Yu 20:38
Hi Wayne, thank you for sharing your story tonight . My question is about the values and influences from the Chinese culture or Eastern more conservative culture in general , vs. the western cultures that you observe along your journey growing up. Our children are now being raised not only bilingually but also in a multi-cultural environment at home and outside home . Obviously US society embraces much more diversity than two cultures, that’s why children may have either the blessing or not such a blessing being stimulated by too much around them . My question I guess is: do you think the values from Chinese cultures have a substantial impact in your outlook to the world, life ahead etc.? Or do you often just find yourself a global objective citizen with no biased standpoint when evaluating a situation or making a decision ? Thank you so much .
Wayne Xun 20:39
As per the host’s suggestion, I’ll answer June’s question and save Lucy’s for a little later :)
Wayne Xun 20:39
June I think that’s a really good item to talk about. This is something that I care very deeply about too
June Yu 20:39
Thank you
Wayne Xun 20:40
I want to qualify my perspective by saying that although my chinese is not great (TERRIBLE!), I was raised in a very culturally chinese household.
Wayne Xun 20:41
In fact, even if I try to explain explain some western concept to my parents, they might still have a hard time understanding :’)
Wayne Xun 20:41
I think the dichotomy of the two cultures, especially for us children growing up, is concerning from a larger perspective
西北兆 20:41
I am on your parents’ side too:-)
西北兆 20:42
Wayne Xun 20:42
Similar to many of my peers, I experienced a lot of internal identity conflicts, and never really felt like I belonged anywhere as a whole
Wayne Xun 20:42
But to kind of zoom in into a more minute view, my own personal experience also brings in other factors
Wayne Xun 20:43
I’m really grateful to my mother for having raised me in a very Chinese household. Although there may have been many times where I felt like I did not belong anywhere when growing up,
Wayne Xun 20:43
By the time I’ve taken over shaping my own career, friendships, future, even my own personality
Hong 20:43
After college experience, do you feel you have clear your cultural identity?
Wayne Xun 20:43
I realize how that now becomes a very very good thing
Hong 20:44
Cleared
西北兆 20:44
In your mind, in retrospective, what would be the best/ideal environment we Chinese family/community can provide to our second generation?
Wayne Xun 20:44
With eastern values comes value for hard work ethic, a certain amount of self-discipline, higher standards for oneself, etc
Wayne Xun 20:44
“not being afraid to suffer” bu pa chi ku
Wayne Xun 20:44
I think this is very very important, and I’m really grateful for my mother to have shaped me in this way
June Yu 20:45
This is a lifelong gift indeed
Wayne Xun 20:45
And to be honest, many people call asians a “model minority”. I did not experience too much discrimination even growing up. I never felt like I was the majority, but I never felt uncomfortable at least
Wayne Xun 20:45
“After college experience, do you feel you have clear your cultural identity? In your mind, in retrospective, what would be the best/ideal environment we Chinese family/community can provide to our second generation?”
June Yu 20:46
Thank you Wayne
Wayne Xun 20:46
That first question I may have to give a bit of a lame response
Wayne Xun 20:46
I think my cultural identity is even more confused now. At home it used to be just “not asian” people and us “asian american” people
Wayne Xun 20:47
But then at school I made a lot of friends with “really white people”, “white people that act asian”, “asians that act white”, and even “international chinese students”
Wayne Xun 20:47
It’s gotten pretty confusing
西北兆 20:48
Your description is very interesting!
Wayne Xun 20:48
But surprisingly this has been a good thing, it’s been a very curious journey exploring the different destinations on this “cultural gradient”, and by now I feel like my own personal identity has grown to far surpass my cultural identity
Wayne Xun 20:48
and my cultural identity is really really confused by now haha
西北兆 20:48
[ThumbsUp][ThumbsUp][ThumbsUp]my own personal identity has grown to far surpass my cultural identity
Wayne Xun 20:48
In short, maybe the thing to worry about (in my opinion) is allowing your child to develop a strong sense of self
Wayne Xun 20:49
that may be a larger issue than cultural identity
Wayne Xun 20:49
which leads into my thoughts on the next question
Wayne Xun 20:49
“In your mind, in retrospective, what would be the best/ideal environment we Chinese family/community can provide to our second generation?”
kaleen 20:49
is your friend circle changed from high school to college?
西北兆 20:50
Wayne Xun 20:51
Things I liked in my upbringing:
- extra curricular studies/tutoring. The head start was good, but more importantly this made me feel like I was always better at academics than the vast majority of students. This became a part of my identity, which is very very important through high school and college. I may not have worked very hard if I never felt like it would lead anywhere
- Eastern cultural values, already explained
Wayne Xun 20:51
But there are also things that myself and many of my peers express as frustrations with traditional eastern upbringings in the US
西北兆 20:52
What about mentoring?
西北兆 20:53
In Chinese community, kids have no choice but using their parents or teachers as their mentors.
June Yu 20:54
Would you mind elaborating on the frustrations from Eastern culture that you and your peers find ? Thank you @Wayne Xun
Hong 20:54
In your mind, do you understand all the symbolism of Chinese logic? And how do you resolve it when you face conflict from American culture ?
Wayne Xun 20:55
- difficulty in expressing complicated ideas to parents and family. Not just academic plans or interesting stories, but also emotional introspections, etc. This is very critical for a child’s emotional development, and many of my peers believe they grew up very closed off from the world because they never were able to share these things
- Cultural differences in the parent child relationship. Kids will inevitably have some amount of western influence seep into their perspective of parent-child relationships. In western culture children and parents are very open and supportive of one another. Although the kid may not expect a fully western relationship with their parent, it brings some sore spots. Many of my peers spent considerable time trying to express to their parents and reconcile their relationship, feeling like there was no emotional support, like their parents don’t care about them as a person, but only about their success, etc etc. Although this may not necessarily be true it’s hard to “feel” that. I would encourage parents to take time to show active interest in their children’s thoughts, and sometimes just take the time to listen to what’s on their time without speaking themselves. There is a large cultural gap between children and parents
Wayne Xun 20:55
ok long paragraph haha
Wayne Xun 20:56
I think that might answer June’s follow up question to elaborate more
Wayne Xun 20:57
One more question on parent-children before moving onto post-high school?
- In Chinese community, kids have no choice but using their parents or teachers as their mentors. What about mentoring?
- is your friend circle changed from high school to college?
- Why did you get into Google
June Yu 20:57
Thank you so much
Wayne Xun 20:57
Also, Hong, can you elaborate on this question?
Wayne Xun 20:57
“In your mind, do you understand all the symbolism of Chinese logic? And how do you resolve it when you face conflict from American culture? “
Wayne Xun 20:57
Is there another way to say “symbolism” of chinese logic? Or you can type the chinese and I can try to look it up
Wayne Xun 20:58
or someone can help translate
Wayne Xun 20:58
But maybe you can tell from my asking for help, that i probably dont understand it at all hahahah I’m terrible
Wayne Xun 20:58
In the meantime, “In Chinese community, kids have no choice but using their parents or teachers as their mentors. What about mentoring?”
西北兆 20:59
read between lines?
Wayne Xun 21:00
I want to clarify a bit first. in my mind I see a mentor-mentee relationship from a western perspective, in which the relationship is not only full of trust, but that’s mutual trust and respect, in which the mentor will also show interest in a mentee’s thoughts and feelings in order to correc them or guide them.
kaleen 21:00
@Wayne Xun is when you say you value community and culture, is it a gradual process, a change from frustration during high school, in a way?
Wayne Xun 21:01
I think in what I’ve seen in many of the asian american (not just chinese!) is that the relationship is more like a employee/boss relationship. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but during the academic year oftentimes the boss will try to give guidance and high level vision, but the relationship is very authoritarian
Wayne Xun 21:02
There is minimal “talking back”, and the employee is afraid to express if they have any contradictory feelings
西北兆 21:02
I really like your comments on mentor-mentee part!
Wayne Xun 21:02
This is an extreme description, but I think all ABC may experience this to some degree
Wayne Xun 21:03
To be honest this is something that we just do not handle very well, and I personally have always felt confused when people ask me if there is anyone that I consider a mentor
Wayne Xun 21:03
or a role model
Wayne Xun 21:03
or that I look up to
June Yu 21:04
[ThumbsUp][ThumbsUp]thank you for being so open about it. It is a wonderful insight that people who are in the relationship may overlook
Wayne Xun 21:04
If a parent can find a way to allow their kid to have no hesitation when confronted with that question, but still be able to amicably impart the diligence of traditional chinese work ethic
西北兆 21:04
I totally feel it. I see it through my kids’ livies too.
Wayne Xun 21:05
There were a lot of questions. If people don’t mind I can extend the Q&A until 9:30
西北兆 21:05
That is 当猪养 might not be a bad thing after all.
Wayne Xun 21:06
Can we make a list of questions and close calls for new questions until then
Wayne Xun 21:06
?
kaleen 21:06
@西北兆 you are not serious[Tongue]
西北兆 21:06
Sure.
Nancy 春燕 21:06
I really like your comments on mentor-mentee part! +1
西北兆 21:07
@kaleen I proved it already.
Wayne Xun 21:07
But if there’s anything I can help answer, maybe you can leave it here and I will respond outside of wechat Google Docs
西北兆 21:07
Now being supported by Wayne too:-)
西北兆 21:08
What people here think?
西北兆 21:08
Can we let Wayne collect questions first and find another time to get back to us?
西北兆 21:09
I totally enjoyed his insights on all the questions we have here.
Wayne Xun 21:10
Then let’s conclude our session here for now?
西北兆 21:11
Then let’s do this way: leave questions here for next 30 min. Then Wayne can answer them on that Google doc.
西北兆 21:11
Before we finish, I want to share some of the photos I go from Wayne for his life in college.
西北兆 21:11
西北兆 21:12
Ice skating in Chicago freshman year of college
西北兆 21:12
西北兆 21:12
Ate out a lot, pictured junior year of college
西北兆 21:12
Hung out with the other Mathworks interns in Boston in the summer before Senior year
西北兆 21:12
西北兆 21:13
西北兆 21:13
Competed at the ACM ICPC during Senior year
Wayne Xun 21:13
It’s not mother’s day yet but as a parting word I want to publicly shown appreciation here for all that she’s done for me. After receiving my offer to work at Google, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my upbringing, and I’m very grateful to be her son. My parents have a way of parenting and teaching that I think intentional or not, is a very good combination that gave me a leg up in my own cultural values and my self discipline. I hope that I can give to others by sharing my experiences as much as she gave to me with her teaching, and also give to her students at her daycare in all of the lessons she provides.
Wayne Xun 21:13
Just wish she was as organized with me back then as she is with them now…
西北兆 21:13
西北兆 21:13
Visiting a graduated friend now working at Facebook
西北兆 21:14
西北兆 21:14
A few weeks ago during a cruise to Mexico
西北兆 21:14
Wayne and Martha, congrats[ThumbsUp][Fight][Rose][Rose][Rose]
小迷糊 /:eat 21:15
歪一下楼，要说玛莎好青春靓丽啊[Drool][ThumbsUp]
西北兆 21:16
What was it like adjusting to college at first? What was your greatest challenge in college? Was there anything that you did differently than other people that you felt was strongly beneficial?
kaleen 21:16
Wayne [ThumbsUp], bless your heart for the word you said about your mom.
西北兆 21:19
Thank you, Wayne, so very much for your spending time with all of us here. We will check your Google for more insights, especially for your college life. You are a thinker! Best of luck with your new endeavor at Silicon Valley!
西北兆 21:20
Google doc
西北兆 21:21
Anyone wishes to have questions to Wayne, please share them here.
Wayne Xun 21:21
Thanks so much for having me! If anyone would like to share this conversation, the chat logs are also on the google doc as well. You can see additional questions there, as well as reread through the conversation we had today. Here is the link again
June Yu 21:22
A big thank-you again to our host tonight @西北兆 and Wayne @Wayne Xun 。谢谢你们，谢谢Martha老师@Martha , 谢谢荀老师@荀剑平 [Rose][Rose][Rose]. Very thought-provoking and inspiring session indeed.
藝 21:22
@Wayne Xun at WHS preparing for college, did you have to take additional classes outside of school to boost your skills for SAT/ACT?
藝 21:23
Or reading writing for that matter?
Hong 21:43
Wayne: Thank you for your sincere talks. Let me think about how to explain the “Symbolism of Chinese logic”.
June Yu 21:54
从今晚的Wayne的文思泉涌，对答如流，妙语连珠，再次感叹教育的魅力，来自家庭的，社会的和学校的。想想今晚的交流，如果对象是中国在校的大学生，应该也是另一番妙趣横生的讲话，但是切入点也许完全不同。不论是怎样的解读，文化的烙印和传承，是抹不去，割舍不下也必须发扬光大的。通过今晚，也要再点赞美国的教育，从小就鼓励勇敢地表达自己内心的想法。[Rose]
杜晖 22:32
It’s not mother’s day yet but as a parting word I want to publicly shown appreciation here for all that she’s done for me. After receiving my offer to work at Google, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my upbringing, and I’m very grateful to be her son. My parents have a way of parenting and teaching that I think intentional or not, is a very good combination that gave me a leg up in my own cultural values and my self discipline. I hope that I can give to others by sharing my experiences as much as she gave to me with her teaching, and also give to her students at her daycare in all of the lessons she provides.
Hong 23:07
处于两个以上的文化长大的孩子是很不容易的。所以经常有cultural identity issues. Wayne 能够以“自我”从两个文化中提升出来，思维很有条理！是一个值得与他一样环境长大的孩子去思考的。
小迷糊 /:eat 23:15
是啊，大人们苦思一辈子也没理清的问题，小朋友凭着本心就悟到了，可佩可赞👍